With Prayers, Sarah
I am a rose colored glasses girl. That means that I hope. In everything. In probably more than I should. I hope in situations. I hope in people. I hope for things. I hope for dreams. I hope. All the time. But then, every now and then, when life throws me a curve ball, the glasses get ripped off and all I can see is the sharp bitterness of reality. I don't do very well in those situations. When this happens, I suddenly lose hope in everything. Hope that any dreams will come true. Hope that people will ever change. Hope that things will come to pass. I very generally lose hope. It's like that verse, "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick...." yeah, that's me. I read a great chapter in Psalms this morning and the verse smack dab in the middle of the chapter was this, "I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope." That's what got me to thinking about hope. And how I want to get back to where I'm hoping again. Then I realized that in order to hope in the Lord for anything....I need to trust Him. And I suddenly saw how you can't have one without the other. Because in order to hope, I have to trust that He knows what's absolute best, even if it's not what I thought was best. I have to trust that He'll bring it about in His perfect timing. I have to trust that He still touches and changes peoples hearts. That He is still working on others just like He's still working on me. I have to trust. Him. Then I can hope again. "Who against hope believed in hope...." So this is me, working on trusting again so I can get my hope back.
With Prayers, Sarah
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I have been struggling. About two weeks ago the Lord really hit me over the head about something and I realized I couldn't go on like that any more. I had to surrender said dream to Him. I had to stop waiting for said dream to happen and live in the today. The now. Be content with what I have (which is a lot). I had a serious day of fasting and prayer and really felt as if I had worked through it. I had one ... maybe two ... days of that peace you find right after a struggle has been won by the Lord. Then Satan got right back in there and hit me hard. Life just isn't at it's brightest right now anyway so he had a lot with which to work. I was bummed. I don't think I was really joyful about the decision I had come to anyway, though I knew it was necessary, so when that "cloud 9 joy" didn't hit me in the aftermath I let myself sink into a depression of sorts. I realized all of this about a week ago. I started praying about it, seeing there was a serious problem I couldn't let go unattended. The answer didn't come in a flash and, to be honest, I don't even feel like I have all of the answer yet. But I'm fighting. I refuse to remain here. One of the things that made all of this harder was 2012. Last year just might have been the best year of my Christian life. I had begun to seriously surrender my life in ways I never had before, I was serving in an area that I loved with all of my heart, I was seeing results in different areas of my life that I had struggled in for years, I was feeling the Lord by my side in ways I'd never felt before, and so on and so on. I was in that proverbial "Honeymoon period" for most of the year. Which made this struggle even harder to bear because on top of it all, I was so upset that I wasn't up there on "Cloud 9" anymore. I read a blog post by a youth pastor this morning and it was from the beginning of the year and talked about forgetting what's behind and pressing forward. Not just forgetting the bad though, but the successes as well. Not getting hung up on them but pressing forward to what else the Lord is going to do. I was struck with how that is exactly what I'd been doing. Instead of pressing forward, I'd been just waiting for last year to repeat itself. Last year was wonderful. But I want to move forward. I want to see what bigger and better things the Lord is going to do in and through my life THIS year. I can't linger there anymore. I have to praise His name for the wonderful year that it was and then leave it there in the past and look forward to the future. The future that He has for me. Then I remembered the verse I had sorta claimed as my "verse for 2013", "Delight thyself also in the Lord..." Psalm 37:4 Not the rest of the verse where He gives me the desires of my heart but just the first part of the verse. That part where it says that I delight in Him. That's my goal for 2013. To truly and wholly delight in my Lord. Today.
So no, there's been no "answer in a flash" but the Lord has been drawing me back up. Reminding me of His love and promises. Reminding me of His truth. Showing me that He is still here. Loving me. Answering my requests. Giving me help when I don't know what to do. No, I'm not suddenly back on "Cloud 9" and life isn't brighter than ever but .... things are looking just a tiny bit brighter. I'm heading in that direction. One moment at a time. With Him by my side. With Prayers, Sarah |
AuthorHere you can read "Sarah's Thoughts". A blog by me! Just a little bit once a month, and here and there, about something the Lord is speaking to me about or focusing on a certain verse that I've found particularly interesting for some reason. You can also subscribe (below) to have them directly sent to your email. Just fill in your name and email and put "Newsletter" in the comment box. Also, please feel free to leave a comment on my blog to let me know what you think! I love hearing from you! Thanks! Sarah's Thoughts
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